i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
