there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
