im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm both gender and math confused
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
