when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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