I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
