How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
