Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just had sex bonerless
operation have a gay friend backfired
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
