2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
