this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
