oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
