I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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