I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
how does that bad decision feel?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
