WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im six kinds of drunk right now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
