dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
