Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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