so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
