Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
