Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
