well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
