Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
