He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
