I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
