does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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