So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
