Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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