i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
