i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
