I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
