Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
