He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
