I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
