I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
