My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
