3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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