Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
