Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
