i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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