the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
