I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dignity is for republicans.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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