OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
