The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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