Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
