I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
