Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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