Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
