i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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