Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
