I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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