I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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