i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i would punch a child for taco bell
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
