Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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