Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
