these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dicks are not precious.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
